An important thing to keep in mind when posting and commenting on line.

Day 72 - To a Non-Jew

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 8:12

At one time or another, we hear derogatory remarks about Jews. It is tragic enough when such remarks are made by Jews to Jewish listeners. Even more tragic is when they are told by Jews to co-workers, business associates, or others who are not Jewish. The subject of these remarks might be an individual Jew, a specific group of Jews, or Jews in general.

The Chofetz Chaim declares that to speak loshon hora about a Jew when the listener is a gentile is a much greater sin than when the listener is a Jew. One who is guilty of this sin “disgraces the honor of Israel and desecrates the Name of Heaven.”

There is yet another reason for the particular severity of this sin. When one speaks loshon hora to a fellow Jew, there is a possibility that the listener will not be quick to accept the report as fact—especially if he is someone familiar with the laws of loshon hora. Gentiles, on the other hand, certainly do not have a predisposition towards judging Jews favorably. Upon hearing the derogatory report, the gentile will be quick to believe it and pass the information on to others.

When a Jew denigrates other Jews in the presence of gentiles, he is, in essence, contradicting the purpose of his own existence. Our mission in this world as a people is to spread the honor of Hashem by serving as His representatives before the rest of the world. We say in Shema each day: “V’Ahavta es Hashem Elokecha” And you shall love Hashem, your God (Devarim 6:4). Our Sages teach (Yoma 86a) that we demonstrate our love of Hashem by making His Name beloved in the eyes of others. When a Jew studies Torah, speaks pleasantly to people and deals honestly in business, then people say, “Praiseworthy is the father who taught him Torah; praiseworthy is the teacher who taught him Torah. See how beautiful and correct are his ways and deeds.”

Thus the damage caused by relating loshon hora to gentiles goes far beyond loshon hora, which is devastating in itself. Instead of using his abilities to increase Hashem’s honor, the speaker has been guilty of chillul Hashem (desecration of Hashem’s Name).

from the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Assoc.

To merit a hidden light that no angel can fathom.

The Chofetz Chaim quotes a midrash which states that every time a person refrains from engaging in forbidden speech, they merit a hidden light that no angel can fathom. And that midrash is talking about a single moment; one can only imagine what lies in store for a person who can hold back from speaking ill of others on a consistent basis. Obviously, we should strive for good behavior simply because it's the right thing to do. But if you need a little incentive, that's a pretty good one.

Remaining silent has divine origins. The Talmud (Gittin 56b) evokes the praise of God following the Second Temple's destruction as "mi kamocha ba'ilmim Hashem" - "Who is like You among the mute ones O God" (this is a play on words of the phrase "mi kamocha ba'eilim Hashem" - "Who is like You among the mighty ones, O God"). It is referencing how God remained silent in the face of the profane conduct of Titus. This is the Creator of the Universe we're talking about - and it's concerning the destruction of His home on earth - and yet He's willing to exercise restraint! All we have to do is let go of our egos a little bit and try in our own small way to emulate God's characteristics when someone happens to say or do something that personally offends us.



Making our displeasure known with those with whom we disagree is often not worth it. Do we really have to get in our two cents every time we come across some subjective difference with a fellow Jew? Even when someone has objectively hurt us in some way, we have to make sure that our subsequent behavior is constructive. Unless we're fairly certain that rebuking them would have a positive effect, it's best to maintain our composure and simply keep quiet. All we can do is make the best decision based on the information we have at the time. Sometimes we'll still make a poor choice despite thinking before speaking, but at least we'll be more cognizant of our behavior and less likely to hurt someone else.

We have to pick our fights in life. There are times when speaking up is extremely important. For example, when it comes to fighting evil - especially something as serious as radical Islamic terrorism - good people of all stripes must speak out and act. But in the micro realm of life, keeping quiet is usually the best way to go. For example, when it comes to relationships between individuals - especially people we see day in and day out - letting things go is often a wise choice. Routinely following this mode of behavior is a great way to keep the peace. We don't have to be passive; we just have to use some self-restraint.

Our generation greatly values people who speak their minds. In many respects, this has been a positive development. However, a better world will only be achieved when silence is valued just as much - if not more. As the proverbial saying goes, "speech is silver; silence is golden."

 

from:

http://levechad.blogspot.com/2011/06/silence-is-golden.html

The danger of becoming involved in any dispute

is that it is often difficult to know which side is right. What one side sees as a valid complaint, the other may see as nonsense. As the saying goes, “There are two sides to every story.”

How, then, does one handle this kind of situation? The Chofetz Chaim cautions us, “Ponder the matter carefully, in accordance with the laws of the Torah and [only then] decide which side is the baal machlokes (instigator of strife).” Apparently, the Chofetz Chaim is telling us to consult someone whois learned and, with his guidance, sift slowly and carefully through the information to determine if one of the disputants can be classified as a baal machlokes.

This is not an easy task. The Chofetz Chaim says that if, after examining the situation carefully, we cannot determine which side is guilty, then we should refrain from becoming involved.

If, on the other hand, we have determined that one of the parties is a baal machlokes, then the Torah allows us to publicly voice our condemnation of this person as a means of convincing him to end the dispute. We are speaking specifically of a case where the baal machlokes will most likely back away from the battle when he realizes that public opinion is against him. On the other hand, if this person is impervious to public opinion, then there is no constructive purpose in publicly declaring him a baal machlokes, and doing so would constitute speaking loshon hora.

The Chofetz Chaim lists three additional prerequisites before one speaks against a baal machlokes:

1. One must have accurate firsthand information regarding the dispute.

2. One’s intention must be strictly for a constructive purpose and not because he happens to dislike this person. If a previous animosity exists, one is not allowed to become involved. This point will be clarified later in this volume (see Day 83).

3. Obviously, if one can speak privately to the baal machlokes and convince him to desist, then that is the path which one is required to take. However, the Chofetz Chaim recognizes that in the case of the baal machlokes, rebuke may be a double-edged sword. By rebuking him in private one may lose his status as an impartial party and become aligned in the instigator’s mind with his enemies. The instigator may then move quickly to thwart any attempts to rebuke him publicly. If this scenario seems to be a real possibility, then one should not attempt to rebuke the baal machlokes in private.

from:
dcompanion@chofetzchaimusa.org

Asher Yatzar: a source of healing, a treasure in our daily lives.

This Beracha is said as an expression of gratitude to Hashem, for the marvelous structure and functioning of the human body. In this Beracha, we acknowledge to Hashem that the properly functioning, healthy body is a marvelous gift from Hashem to man.

If one says this Beracha with proper intent, it can be a great source of Yiras Shamayim, Emunah and Bitachon.

The Chafetz Chaim and other Great Sages write that the saying of Asher Yatzar with the proper intent and from writing has the power to help one have a healthy body all of his life. There are many people who were saved from a severe illness by saying this Beracha from a written page with the proper intent.

Proof that loshon hora is harmful.

The relationship in the Torah between tzara’as (a skin disease induced by spiritual impurity) and the sin of loshon hora is well known. Moshe’s righteous sister Miriam was afflicted with tzara’as because she said something about Moshe that had just the slightest taint of loshon hora. Her words were well intentioned and she spoke only to her brother Aaron, yet she was immediately punished with tzara’as and the Jewish people had to delay travel for seven days until she was cured.

If one ever needed proof that loshon hora is as harmful as we have suggested, this is it. There is no other sin so toxic that it comes with its own unique corrective illness. In the Torah’s system of reward and punishment, there are no bolts of lightning striking down wrongdoers, because that would subvert the concept of bechirah (free choice). If Divine punishment were instantaneous, there would be no opportunity to choose between right and wrong. Similarly, if every sin was punishable by its own unique sickness, it would be virtually unthinkable to sin.

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM

How can we tell what our tafkid in this world is?

The Chofetz Chaim explains a way of knowing how we can know what our tafkid, our role in this world is supposed to be.  He says that when a soldier goes out to war he can look at the tools that he was given and know what he is supposed to do.  If he was given pots and pans, he knows that he is a cook, and if he is given weapons, he knows that he is a soldier.  In our lives we have to look at what tools Hashem has given us and  from that we can know what is expected of us.

from a Shiur by Rebbetzin Kalmonovitz

How much should I daven?

Better to daven a little with Kavanah-

then a lot without Kavanah.

from the Chofetz Chayim

A Story from the Chofetz Chayim

A Rabbi came to a town and drank the water and saw that it was very sandy.  He asked someone why the water was so bad and they said "what can you do, this is the way it is."  He made a rule that no one could use the water without boiling it first.

The Rabbi was passing by the town and he saw a big fire, and he asked someone, "why don't you put some water on the fire?"  They told him, "we are waiting for it to boil".

The Chofetz Chayim said that when it is an emergency we use whatever we have.  He said that in these times everyone has to do what they can to be Mekarev other Jews, even if we think that we are not good enough.

from the Shiur by Rabbi Orlofsky (lots of fun to listen to and extremely inspiring)

http://www.kiruv.com/kiruvTools/stayInspired/PI_Convention_-_Rabbi_Dovid_Orlofsky.asp

As an aside, I have often heard that BINGE stands for  But I'm Not Good Enough..  We are all good enough, Hashem created us and we can all acomplish a lot in our lives.