Hope for the struggler.- A guest post from Rivkie

The last few weeks I kept on picking up food* which was not committed. I came to the realization that every time I picked up, it just wasn't enough. I wanted more and more. Nothing could fill the emptiness, no matter what I would taste, it just didn’t give me the fix I wanted or thought I needed. Now that, thank Hashem I have a few days of abstinence, I noticed that no matter how much I was eating, nothing was giving me what I was looking for. I also noticed by being in this program we are undergoing a psychological change and even if we indeed enjoyed particular food prior to being in OA we can’t find the same enjoyment anymore.

Why? Possibly because we have enjoyed the taste of abstinence and our life has became more manageable and would hate, or be afraid to lose this unbelievable experience; or maybe because we are aware that that by picking up we realize that this binge is robbing us from life. By staying in the misery we can’t even notice all the gifts Hashem bestows upon us every moment of the day. Today I have immense emotional pain and for the first time in program I actually turned it over to Hashem and begged him to bring the salvation for this particular obstacle. I truly felt a spiritual connection and I am convinced that all Hashem does is for our growth and wants us to get closer, yet it is still very painful. Then I drove down the highway and I took note of the beautiful surroundings, the beauty of the snow, the glistening sun, the stunning neighborhood and I actually enjoyed it, even though I was in agonizing emotional pain. How many times have I driven down this road and was totally oblivious of all that surrounded me, being too engrossed in my misery.

Had I turned to the food I would have had a fix for a fleeting moment, numbing my feelings, however I am convinced I would have not picked up my Tehilim with such strong feelings and for sure not noticed my beautiful surrounding. Now this is what I mean, the food that is consumed over and above robs us from life.



I hope this share will give some strength to someone in program, because for me writing about this was a true awakening and I hope with Hashem’s help will help me abstain from the food and reach higher and higher.

I choose to stay anonymous however I would like some feed back if anyone has on this.

* picking up in OA means eating something outside of your food plan.

A response from someone who doesn't have internet connection, so I read it to hear and she dictacted this comment.

It is great that you had such an awakening, and the only way to keep it is to daven every day asking for the willingness to be willing, and focusing on gratitude because a grateful heart doesn't eat. If we focus on gratitude and see and appreciate Hashem's beauty, our problems stay the same but we are wearing different glasses and see them differently. Don't leave before the miracle.