After Shabbos Thoughts- A guest post

When I don’t want to clean up, I eat

When I’m too tired to deal, I eat

When I just want a break, I eat

When it’s me I hate, I eat

When I feel bad for something I did, I eat



When I hurt myself, I run to the food

When someone hurts me, I run to the food

When I can’t deal with my emotions, I run to the food

And what does the food give me?



More pain,

more hurt,

more self-hate,

more misery



So today, for the first time in a long time, I tried not to run to the food for comfort. I prayed and prayed for HaShem to save me from eating. And He helped me.

I always find Shabbos afternoons hard. I feel full from lunch, I’m tired and looking after the children at home. I’ve been in with them for the morning and I’m feeling a little restless. Out comes all the junk food for Shabbos party for the children and I want it too. I don’t want to listen to my HP. I want to do what I want to do. I DESERVE it. Maybe the kids are complaining, maybe the kids are happy, maybe I’m feeling guilty about something. Who knows what the excuse is. I just want it. I want self will, my way. Something for me.



So today, I couldn’t just go for the food, so I had to actually think. What is it that I actually need? I couldn’t do my knee jerk reaction, and stuff the food to shut off the emotion that i’m feeling. I had to think, what am I feeling? What is bothering me and what form of self-care can i do so that i can be refreshed? Well, I realised that I needed some fresh air and I asked my husband to watch the kids for a little while whilst I went out for a walk. It was raining and the sky was grey but I came back a different person. Fifteen minutes by myself to re-align my thoughts. I spoke to HaShem, and asked him to help me. I told Him my fears and concerns and I thanked Him for the beautiful children.



I’ve always felt guilty about taking time out. So instead I ate when I wanted to just have a break. Today, I had the break instead and spent the rest of the afternoon with more patience and love for the children. It’s still hard, and every minute is a challenge but I wanted to write to share the gift that I had this afternoon.