Sanctify yourself through the permissible... Yevamos 20a

Divrei Torah to provide Chizuk in the struggle to balance spiritual and physical needs.

L'Iluei Nishmas Mirkah Bas Yosef

Monday, October 4, 2010

After Shabbos Thoughts- A guest post

When I don’t want to clean up, I eat

When I’m too tired to deal, I eat

When I just want a break, I eat

When it’s me I hate, I eat

When I feel bad for something I did, I eat

When I hurt myself, I run to the food

When someone hurts me, I run to the food

When I can’t deal with my emotions, I run to the food

And what does the food give me?

More pain,

more hurt,

more self-hate,

more misery

So today, for the first time in a long time, I tried not to run to the food for comfort. I prayed and prayed for HaShem to save me from eating. And He helped me.

I always find Shabbos afternoons hard. I feel full from lunch, I’m tired and looking after the children at home. I’ve been in with them for the morning and I’m feeling a little restless. Out comes all the junk food for Shabbos party for the children and I want it too. I don’t want to listen to my HP. I want to do what I want to do. I DESERVE it. Maybe the kids are complaining, maybe the kids are happy, maybe I’m feeling guilty about something. Who knows what the excuse is. I just want it. I want self will, my way. Something for me.

So today, I couldn’t just go for the food, so I had to actually think. What is it that I actually need? I couldn’t do my knee jerk reaction, and stuff the food to shut off the emotion that i’m feeling. I had to think, what am I feeling? What is bothering me and what form of self-care can i do so that i can be refreshed? Well, I realised that I needed some fresh air and I asked my husband to watch the kids for a little while whilst I went out for a walk. It was raining and the sky was grey but I came back a different person. Fifteen minutes by myself to re-align my thoughts. I spoke to HaShem, and asked him to help me. I told Him my fears and concerns and I thanked Him for the beautiful children.

I’ve always felt guilty about taking time out. So instead I ate when I wanted to just have a break. Today, I had the break instead and spent the rest of the afternoon with more patience and love for the children. It’s still hard, and every minute is a challenge but I wanted to write to share the gift that I had this afternoon.

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