The secret of happiness-from Rabbi Kirzner

Rabbi Label Lam says that he once heard Rabbi Kirzner say that the secret of happiness is  "expect nothing".    There is an oa saying, "An expectation is a planned resentment".  Rabbi Lam explains that while this might sound negative, it is really very positive.  It is saying that every little thing in your life should make you happy.

from:

http://www.torahanytime.com/scripts/media.php?file=media/Rabbi/Label_Lam/2012-01-01/Reaching_Happiness_NOW/Rabbi__Label_Lam__Reaching_Happiness_NOW__2012-01-01.wmv

Being all that you can be

When you think of what your personal goals actually are, there is always some degree of tension between what you want to be and who you are. Going into the never-never-land of pretending that you actually are the person you would like to be takes a toll. You have to face up to your imperfections, and most of us respond to that with guilt, and ultimately with resentment. The other alternative to some seems to be to look at the goal as being so far away and inaccessible that it isn't worth fighting the good fight to get there.

from Rebetzin Heller's Blog to read more http://www.tziporahheller.com/?q=blog/being-all-you-can-be

Another tool for fighting resentment.

Hashgacha Pratis: today's quote from Rabbi Lazer Brody is another was of fighting resentment.  If you focus on all the things in your life to be grateful for you will not be able to focus on your resentments.

Quote of the Day

"A bitter person is never grateful, but a grateful person is never bitter." Lazer Brody, Stop Crying CD  http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/

Resentment Poisons our Neshamah

I have been very aware lately of the negative effects of resentment.  It is a poison that we take when we don't realize that we have to accept Hashem's plan for ourselves and not our own plans.  We have to realize that everything that happens in this world is coming directly from Hashem for a reason, so there is no reason to resent anything.  This post from frumstepper  http://frumstepper.blogspot.com/  is so good that I wanted to share it:

Resentment? Poisoning Ourselves


From 24 Hours a Day, Nov. 7: " When we try to get revenge, instead of making us feel better, it leaves us frustrated and cheated. Instead of punishing our enemies, we've only hurt our own peace of mind. It does not pay to nurse a grudge, it hurts us more than anyone else.... If we are resentful, we will be resented."

There are some good sayings about resentment: 1.Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die, and 2. Resentment is letting others live rent-free in your head.

Both of these say it all. When we resent someone, the only one to suffer is us. The other person usually has no clue as to the whole dialogue and script that is going on in our heads. We have written an entire play, which we go over and over, adding elaborate comments and replies, but we are the only audience to this. The person who is the main character (other than ourselves) has no idea about all of this. We allow this to niggle away at us day after day, month after month, year after year, until it literally eats a hole into our souls. Likewise, it's like taking poison and waiting for someone else to drop dead from it. The one who is hurt is us! Not only this, but we present ourselves as bitter, angry people (which is true!) and others will not want to be around us. If we share this "script" with our friends, they may wonder when they will be next in our line-up of hated people. It really is a poison that trickles into our bloodstream, destroying us in the processes.

Giving up these resentments might seem harder than it actually is. Learning how to let things go, how to see the good in others, and to be able to see that they are not bad people, though they might have behaved badly in some instance , being able to to look at ourselves and to understand that it is usually our own pride and stubbornness that has gotten in the way- these are all things that can be helpful in dropping the resentments that are our own stumbling blocks to healing and to happiness.

The question is: can we see that holding on to resentments does not really hurt the other person, and is actually destroying us instead? That is certainly a good motivation for practicing this new way of being. In our 12 step program, we learn how to "clean up our own side of the street
, and not to cling to our perceptions of having been "wronged" by others. It's simply not worth all the effort expended and all the pain it is causing (to us!!). Try it, and tell me if I'm wrong!

The Poor Me Syndrome

From an article in the Breslov Israel web site about Reb Shalom Arush's New Book "Chacmot Nashim"

http://www.breslev.co.il/articles/spirituality_and_faith/spiritual_growth/the_“poor_me”_syndrome.aspx?id=14397&language=english


Main issue number one: I was always feeling sorry for myself, and a bit ‘down’. I felt I had good reason to be, because of the issues having more kids, and the social isolation I felt that was causing.

Boy, was I wrong. Rav Arush writes a whole chapter about gratitude, and about how the main thing in life is to be grateful to Hashem for all the blessings He gives us. The trouble is, it’s much easier said than done. I’ve been trying, I really have, to just be grateful. But all my gratitude was always tinged with ‘poor me!’

In the book, Rav Arush suggests keeping a little exercise book, which you write down all the things to be grateful for. I started doing that a few days’ ago, and I’m already up to 150 things – I’ll write more about this another time, as it’s been extremely useful and insightful, and I’m genuinely starting to feel a lot more grateful and happy.


One of the most eye opening things about starting the program was when I realized that a glitch was not just a mistake in the Plan of Eating, but indulding in a session of "poor me" As my sponsor calls it, a pity party.

Let go of your expectations-so that you have no resentments

One of my favorite quotes from the big book is:
Let go of your expectations-so that you have no resentments

I find this to be such a powerful thought that I have it hanging on my desk at work.

Today I was listening to a Shiur by Rabbi Lazer Brody, "Emunah with Love" and he said that the best barometer of our emunah is how much hate and resentment we have inside. If we have real emunah we will understand that everything comes from Hashem so that there is nothing to be angry about.

Repairing our relationships with others - Rabbi Weingberger

http://www.naaleh.com/viewclass/2276/single/

When a person becomes obsessed with their own list of everything that others did wrong, they can argue for “13 gilgulim”. When a person nullifies his own desires and complaints and looks at the source of the relationship. What brought them together in the first place will bring them together again.

In OA we talk about letting go of our resentments, being honest with myself and not blaming others.