Who is your Ezer Knegdo?

The Baal Shem Tov said that the phrase "ezer knegdo" does not only apply to your spouse.  Any person in your life that bothers you, whether it is a child or a coworker or just a random person on the street, was put there by Hashem to help you to grow in the right direction and reach your Tikun.

Heard in a Shiur by Perl Abromovitz

Look for the pure neshomah in your spouse.

Tu'Av is a time of Shiduchim. In light of this I want to share an insight about marriage that Rebbeztin Kalmonovitz told me.  Every person is really only half of their true neshamah, their spouse is the other half.  This might be an upsetting thought at times when we are frustrated with our spouse (which every person experiences at some time).  The way to appreciate this reality is to realize that after we leave this world and go to the world of emes, we will go through a process of spiritual purification, and so will our spouse.  Then our souls will be reunited in their pure states.  Look at your spouse and say to yourself, "there is a pure neshomah inside of him/her that is part of my neshomah" 

Am I responbible for my spouse's sins?

This week I had the zechus to drive home Rebbeztin Kalmonovitz and we were discussing the fact the the neshamah of a husband and a wife are really one neshamah.  I asked her if this means that we are responsible for our spouse's sins, and what happens when we are reunited in shamayim.  She said that each person goes through a soul correction when they get to shamayim, then you are reunited with a purified neshamah.  This is a very powerful insight because it give us a framework to understand the extent of our responsibilities of ours spouse's actions.  It also means that we can't blame our spouse, and say whats the use.  We  will pay for only our own actions, but we will pay for them. 

She also mentioned that if a wife acts with sincerity and creates a warm and loving home with the intention of supporting her husband in learning, but he goes out and secretly does something else, she is rewarded as if she facilitated his learning.

She also added that when one is frustrated by something that there spouse does, it helps to think to yourself that inside of this person is a pure neshamah that I am going to be reunited with in the future.

An important message for Wives.

If your husband is working and not making enough money to support you, stop being mad at your husband and recognize that money comes through people but from Hashem.  It is not because of your husband, it is because of Hashem's decision.  If you do not have the money that you need, then you have misjudged your needs.  You have to accept that this is what you are meant to have.

This is the hardest test we have.  This is the first punishment given to man in the garden of Eden.  We think that we see cause and effect but this is an illusion.  We do our histadlus, and Hashem decides what we are meant to get.  If our husbands are not doing as much Histadlus as we think they should we should still not blame them.  We work to grow, to withstand nisyonot, and to gain satifaction, not because it is the only way that Hashem can send us money.

Rambam says that when you want to buy something ask yourself two questions:
1) Why do you want it?  Is it going to get you closer to Hahsem?
2)  What do I have to sacrifice to get this?  What is it going to cost in material and spiritual terms.
If you ask yourself these 2 questions you will find that you need less.

from the Shiur on Naaleh:
Who is the Provider
Teacher: Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller Class: Bitachon: Meaning of Trust