The cause of our distress.

Rabenu Yeruchom Levovitz, famous mashgiach of the Mir Yeshiva Poland, taught us the following :
"Just as it is mistaken for a poor man to be distressed over his financial difficulties, imagining that he will remain a poor man although in reality he could become wealthy overnight; so it is with a sick person who might think that he will be ill forever but in fact he could be better by the morning." 
I learn two pieces of very important information for life from this short piece.
1) What is it that causes our distress?
Is it the sickness or the financial difficulty we are experiencing? Or is it something else? If we examine the words of R'Yeruchom we'll understand that it isn't the actual experience of sickness or poverty in the moment that distresses a person. It is his imagining that this is how he will remain, that he is stuck like this forever.
If a patient would know that he will surely get better, and that it will be soon, he won't feel distress. He might feel some discomfort because of his sickness, but not worry, anxiety, stress and terror.  He'll be planning what he wants to do when he gets better! 
If a pauper would know that he's going to get all the money he needs tomorrow! He won't be distressed, he might still feel that he's lacking certain things, but he'll be looking forward to what he'll do with that money when he gets it! He won't be feeling worry, anxiety, stress and terror- these all come upon a person according to Rabenu Yeruchom because "he imagines he will remain poor," or "he thinks he will be ill forever".
So it isn't the nature of our experience however bad it is, that causes our distress! It is our imagining that it will go on forever. When a woman goes to give birth, she knows that however hard it might be, no one was in labor for a week! B"H for that! She is prepared to go through it because by the next day  B'ezras Hashem Yosborach , she'll be holding that precious newborn.
 Hashem even gives us breaks in-between contractions, we know that no single contraction goes on forever, we can look forward to respite and some good, deep breaths, maybe even a smile and a back rub before the next one comes. We don't think to ourselves "Oh no, I'll be here in the labor ward forever; grey hair and false teeth and all the family gathered around me saying to each other 'a contraction every fifteen minutes for the last 16 years. No hope!' "
Why do we choose to distress ourselves with imaginings? 
Why do we so often imagine the worst case scenario?
We think "but this is the reality! These are the facts, you can't escape reality, can you?
So R'Yeruchom comes and teaches us something else:
2) The nature of reality.

"... in reality he could become wealthy overnight;... in fact he could be better by the morning."
R'Yeruchom is teaching us that if we want to be real we have to know that the nature of the world is to change. The root of the word for year shana isshinui change.
The reality is that change for the better is not only possible but likely! Especially with Trust in Hashem! It is most probable that he will get better, that the money will come. Those are the "facts"! That's being "real"! We are avoiding reality when we think things will stay the same.
It's our negative inclination that inclines us to negative prognostication. We need to fight that urge. We need to replace our negative imaginings with those kind of thoughts that are reality based; eg that good news is probably around the corner.
One lady had a very sorry shalom bayis  situation. She said her husband never spoke to her. They hadn't had breakfast together in maybe 15 years! I encouraged her to imagine her husband coming home from shul, saying good morning to her and joining her for breakfast. 
she: "It'll never happen"
me: "Just try it"
she: "It's impossible"
me: "imagine it anyway!"
So she did. She called me the next day.
"It happened, you won't believe it" (I did believe it) " He came home from shul and sat down to breakfast with me! We talked!"
In whatever situation we are in we must align our thinking and our imagination, with the facts, which are that our troubles can be over by the morning. 
"Hashem is sending us the money we need"
"Hashem will help you suceed in the exam"
"B"H your bashert is just around the corner"
"B"H I'm excited about  getting the perfect job for me really soon"
In any situation we find ourselves communicating to ourselves what we think will happen. We must understand that this inner communication results in our imagination providing the pictures to go with it and those pictures are what arouses our feelings. If we are thinking frightening and worrying thoughts we will feel fright and worry. 
If we are communicating to ourselves a fact-based thought that things will be better soon, B'ezras Hashem, then we'll right away begin to feel better. Then that feeling of relief and happiness will, in and of itself, likely bring about good results because that is what trust feels like, and one who trusts in Hashem is surrounded by His Kindness. 
Let's try and be real, let's try and stick to the facts...
and look forward to tomorrow.

Chaya Hinda

from jpthink.com

Why are there so many tragedies in the summer?

A friend of mine's child was playing in a driveway near a large box of recycled glass.  Somehow the glass all shattered and spilled on the driveway and the child fell into the glass needing over 40 stiches.  First of all we have to learn that we should be very careful about our recycled glass.  The other message that her Rav told her is that in the summer many people take vacations so there is less Torah learning going on.  Torah learning provides a protection for Klal Yisrael.  Therefore we should all take some time to increase our learning this summer.

An inspiring quote from Stephen Hawking

Q. Given all you’ve experienced, what words would you offer someone who has been diagnosed with a serious illness, perhaps A.L.S.?

A. My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on things your disability doesn’t prevent you doing well, and don’t regret the things it interferes with. Don’t be disabled in spirit, as well as physically.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/10/science/10hawking.html?pagewanted=2&src=ISMR_AP_LO_MST_FB

What really causes us to suffer in this world?

Sometimes when things are very difficult, the biggest source of our suffering is our refusal to accept Hashem's agenda for our lives instead of our own.  We have to realize that only by surrendering to Hashem's plans for us instead of our own plans can we truly achieve our tikun in this world.

from a Shiur on Aish.com
Shelanu: Discovering Your Personal Freedom # BY 678 B


by Berkovits, Rabbi Yitzchak

http://www.aishaudio.com/search/results.php

What’s happening in the world, and why?

 What’s the connection between the chaos in the camps of Ishmael in the Middle East (which will eventually spread to the camps of Ishmael in Europe and other points west) and between all the natural disasters? The answer is simple: the earth is trembling, and all the trembling are Messianic labor pains. As in labor before childbirth, the world now experiences excruciating contractions and pains, which ultimately lead to the birth of a new and more spiritual world, the world of Moshiach, Redemption, and our Holy Temple, soon and in our days, amen. That’s why our sages called this era chevlei Moshiach, or the era of Messianic labor pains, for the challenges of this generation resemble the pains of childbirth.

In light of the above, we should ask ourselves two questions:

1. What’s our task with all the chaos surrounding us?

2. How can we safely weather these difficult times?

from

http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/

Who is causing your problems?

When a stone is thrown to a dog, the dog will attack the stone without diffferantiating that there really is a person behind this action. ( he is basically thinking the stone hurt him)

The Chovos Halevovos states: that a believing Jew knows that no human power has the ability to hurt him only if it was decreed from Shomoyim that he has to go through pain.

This means that anytime a human being is hurt, belittled, pained, wounded by another person, he is only a Shaliach and our anger to him changes into Pity that Hashem has Chosen him as a Shaliach.

Question: Can you explain the proper boundaries of being a vatran (giving in)?.

Answer: Vatranut begins by seeing the other person as an extension of yourself. Parents instinctively do this with their children. You have to learn to bring more people into your picture. Being a shmatta means resentfully giving in when there are other possibilities. I would call this intentional martyrdom, which is what people
choose because they enjoy making others feel guilty and beholden. People with low self-esteem tend to give in, because they can't bring themselves to suffer even momentary disapproval from another person.

There is a huge difference when there are other alternatives and when you are giving in because of unhealthy reason. Martyrdom isn't good for anyone. The boundaries of vatranut have to do with halachic priorities. A mitzva comes before other obligations. Something only you can do comes before something other people can do.


For example, only you as your children's mother can put your kids to bed in a way that will make them feel loved and cared for. If someone consistently asks you to drive them somewhere at that hour, you have to learn to say no.

A definable mitzva cannot be forfeited at the risk of doing an aveira. For instance, if right before Shabbat a friend requests a favor that might cause you to violate Shabbat, you are obligated to decline. Obviously, real emergencies and saving lives take precedence over almost everything else.

Learn to use your good judgment and common sense. Giving in is laudable, but never at the expense of neglecting
your priorities.

Excerpted from Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller’s Question and Answer series on Naaleh.com

Ratzon Hashem

Acceptance means putting aside the wish that our situation could be

 different from what it is.

 From * Discovering Choices * Page number 169__

 Copyright 2008, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Limited use by

 express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.

Whatever situation we are in now is what Hashem thinks is best for us and we have to weather the storm and grow from it.

Sometimes we are like a salomander that needs to shed his skin in order to grow

.  Sometimes when we are suffering the most it is to clear the way for real growth.  Yakov complained to his sons, "why did you tell the man I had another son"  Yakov thought that this was a horrible thing that was happening that Benyomin had to go down to Egypt, he did not realize that it was the beginging of the redemption.

from the Shiur on Naaleh: Suffering
Teacher: Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller Class: Bitachon: Meaning of Trust

Rising above our suffering.

We have all heard stories of gedolim who were able to withstand tremendous suffering without being effected by it.  Great Rabonim who where able to go through surgery without anesthesia because they were so involved in their Torah learning.  The question was asked if this means that they will have to undergo other suffering to gain a kaporah.  The answer given was that the nisyonos that we have to go through are from Hashem but the suffering that they cause is in our own hands. 

We have the ability to rise above our suffering and to focus on the positives in our lives.

from a teacher who wihes to remain ananymous.

Growth through obstacles

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov explains that the obstacles that a person encounters in life are designed to enhance that person's desire.  For that reason, before a person makes a significant accomplishment in the service of Hashem-especially in the acquisition of something that is vital to his or her Judaism such a enhanced holiness-the person is tested with a series of obstacles.  her or she must overcome these obstacles to attain their goal.  Nevertheless, the obstacles are the agents that extract a person's very best efforts in making spiritual gain, since obstacles fuel desire.

from Chassidic Pearls  by Rabbi Lazer Brody p.8

Sometimes it seems like just when we are beginning to really get somewhere, it gets even harder.  We have to remember that this is not the time to give up, it is the time to try harder.

Be grateful for minor problems

There are 3 things that we can only earn with suffering, Torah, Eretz Yisrael, and Olam Haba.  When we experience Nisyonos (tribulations) with love from Hashem we spare ourselves much greater suffering.  The Gerer Rebe says that we spare ourselves something 5,000 times worse.

When we realize that by accepting small problems with Emunah we ourselves from having much greater problems because Hashem does not need to send us louder messages.

from a Shiur by Rabbi Lazer Body  "Tiny Triblulations"

Never be embarrased of your Yisurim

A powerful thought from Rabbi Eli Sorotzkin, you should not be embarrased about your Yisurim.  Just the opposite, if you are mekabkel them B'ahavah, you should be proud.

To My Star Pupil,

I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is "successful", they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.

Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.

I'm very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don't really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won't hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!

This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don't even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.

Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, "Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!" But I am not allowed to do that. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.

I've chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, and it wasn't for no reason - you have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in torah and mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.

I am writing to you now, because I have a very serious request to ask of you. Please don't stop fighting! Don't give up! I have been beating too many people lately, and I am losing patience, Believe in yourself, because I would not be involved with you as much as I am if I didn't think you could beat me.

Know what your strengths are! A great rabbi once said: "Woe is to he who doesn't know his weaknesses. But, 'Oy vavoy' to him who doesn't know his strengths - for he will not have anything with which to fight."

Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn't really be telling you - but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our "training" sessions very closely. I'm pleased to inform you that He's rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just call out to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.

Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain,

Your Yetzer Hara

This is a letter that is going around, and I wanted to share it.

Reasons Behind Life's Tests

Life is about moving from the world of potential to the world of the actual.  We can have big dreams about building a tremendous Yeshiva and Chesed organization, but it is not as big a mitzvah as putting our hand in our pocket and taking out a dollar and giving it to tzedakah.  Life's tests are there to help us to actualize our potential. from a Shiur on Naaleh:
Reasons Behind Life's Tests

Teacher: Mrs. Shira Smiles Class: Akeidat Yitzchak

How to survive under extreme stress

The Talmud offers practical homiletic advice on how to survive under extreme stress:

Shipwrecked

Rabbi Akiva sailed from Israel to Cyprus. Before he left port, he saw his prize understudy, Rabbi Meir, board an older vessel, also sailing to Cyprus. In the midst of their journey, a terrible gale struck the Mediterranean. Rabbi Akiva's heart broke as he gazed into the distance, wincing while the storm lashed into the decrepit craft that carried Rabbi Meir. In a matter of minutes, the latter's ship was utterly destroyed...

A tear slid down Rabbi Akiva's cheek. "What a waste of a brilliant mind!" he lamented.

Several days later, upon reaching the shores of Cyprus, Rabbi Akiva entered a local synagogue and house of study. Flabbergasted, he froze in the doorway. Rabbi Meir was in the middle of a lecture to a group of Cypriot Talmud students. Seeing his esteemed teacher and spiritual guide in the doorway, Rabbi Meir ceased lecturing. "Rabbi Akiva, my honored master, please come inside!"

Rabbi Akiva could barely speak. "M-Meir! Y-You're still alive! H-How did you get ashore?"

"Simple, my master. Instead of focusing on the stormy sea, I rode one wave at a time. I caught wave after wave until I reached the shore!"

* * * * *

Had Rabbi Meir attempted to battle the entire tempestuous sea, he would have expended his strength in a short time. Instead, he used the centuries old formula of "divide and conquer" - Rabbi Meir knew that he couldn't overcome the sea, but he could surely cope with one wave at a time. Even more amazing, he arrived ashore before Rabbi Akiva!

The 2nd-Century CE sage Rabbi Meir teaches us the secret of staying on top when we seem to be buried under an insurmountable load of stress. Don't fight a whole raging sea, or don't try to move a one-ton boulder that's in your way. Take a 5-lb. hammer, and break chips of the boulder. Before you know it, the boulder - that ton of stress on your shoulders - is no longer there!

The secret of handling an overload of stress is dismantling - don't try to deal with all your pressures simultaneously. Ride one wave at a time, and you'll make it safely to shore, too.

from Lazer Beams

What do you do if you face a nisayon that is "to hard for you".

 That it doesn't feel like it is coming from Hashem? 

The lowest level of facing it is to see only the external problem.

The second level is realizing that it came from Hashem but still being upset. In essence, thinking that Hashem made a mistake.
The highest level is to realize that if it is happening it is coming from Hashem, and that we are nothing, and unable to understand Hashem's ways.  If we accept that we are unable to understand Hashem's ways we will have to move out of our comfort zone, accept that everything is for our good  and begin doing real Teshuvah.

from the Shiur on  Aish Audio:  The Teshuvah Process - 1 # HT 937 A
by Heller, Rebbitzen Tziporah

You do not always succeed, but you always have to try.

by Reb Gutman Locks at Mystical Paths

Last week at the Kotel, I asked an elderly man to put on tefillin. He strongly refused.

I asked him, “When was the last time you put on tefillin?”

He smiled and proudly said, “Seventy-two years ago!” pushing aside any possibility of him putting them on again. He held out his arm to show me the fading numbers tattooed there. “1938,” he said. “It was the day of Kristallnacht. Do you know what Kristallnachtis?”

“Of course I do,” I told him.

“Two hundred and sixty seven synagogues were burned down in one night. They burned down our synagogue, too. My tefillin were burnt up, and I have never put them on again.” He said, telling me in no uncertain terms why he was not going to put them on.

“I have a friend who was in the camps, too,” I quickly said, “and he not only puts on tefillin today, but he even put them on others inside the camp!” I was trying to show him that he did not have to reject tefillin because of what those evil people did. “Do you want hear how he got the tefillin into the camp?”

“Yeah,” he said, strongly, “How did he get them in there?”

“His name is Laibel. Whenever he comes to Israel, he prays with our sunrise minyan. He also has numbers tattooed on his arm. “When we first met, he asked me, ‘What do you do around here?’

“Wanting to say something exciting, I said, ‘I put tefillin on people here at the Kotel.’

“‘Oh yeah?’ he said, ‘Well, I put tefillin on people in the death camp.’

“I stared at him; there was nothing I could say. I was him dumbfounded. I asked him, ‘How did you get the tefillin in there?’

"He looked me in the eye and said that they came to the ghetto and grabbed 137 young boys. He told me that only five of them got out of there alive, only five.

“He was thirteen-and-a half years old. When they grabbed him, he was wearing the high boots that his father had bought for him. He showed me with his hand that the boots came up almost to his knees. When he saw them coming, he stuffed his tefillin in the top of one boot and his prayer book in the other.

"They pushed the boys into a cattle car and drove them to the death camp. It was not far from the ghetto. When the train stopped, they slid open the side of the cattle car and immediately began pushing them toward the open door of the oven. The boys were frightened and crying out. They asked Laibel, ‘What should we do?’ He told them, ‘I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to stand in rows five across and we’re going to march right into that oven singing “ani ma’amin . . . “(I believe in G-d). And they did just that. They stood in rows five across and started singing and marching right into the oven.

“The guards became so confused that they did not know what to do. They screamed, ‘You can’t do that! No one has ever done such a thing before. Stop it! Stop it at once! Here! Go over there to the showers instead.’

“They pushed them over to the showers. They made them take off all of their clothing and throw them into a pile in the middle of the floor. They made them empty out their shoes and the tefillin and prayer book fell out onto the pile.

“After the shower, when they were dressed in the camp clothes and were being pushed back past the pile of their clothes, he saw his tefillin and prayer book lying there. He wanted so badly to run over and pick them up, but there were terrifying guards standing right there so he couldn’t. He said to the boys, ‘Okay, I did something for you, so now you do something for me.’

“‘Whatever you want,’ they said. ‘You saved our lives.’

“He said, ‘When I give the signal, make a big fight with each other and start screaming out loud. Okay . . . Now!’ He whipped his arm in the air as if he was back at the camp giving them the signal. The boys started to fight and scream. The guards ran over and tried to pull them apart, but they wouldn’t stop fighting. In the confusion, he ran over and grabbed his tefillin and prayer book and hid them under his arms.

“He was in the barracks and he wanted to put on the tefillin. He was able to put the arm piece on without anyone seeing by pulling his sleeve over it, but how could he put on the head piece? There were evil guards all over the place. He opened the window and stuck his head outside so he could put on the head piece. A guard came by and screamed at him, ‘Who said you could open that window?’ He told him that he was sick and was throwing up, and if he made him close the window he would throw up inside, too. The guard left him there. And he looked me in the eye and said, ‘And I put tefillin on other men like that there, too.’ I started to cry and I kissed him on his yarmulke.

"The next day there was a soldier at the Kotel who wouldn’t put on tefillin. No matter what I said, he simply refused. Then I told him Laibel’s story, and he quickly said, ‘Okay, I’ll do it.’

“And you can do it, too” I said, as I gently slid the tefillin I was holding on his arm. He said the blessing and started to cry. We said the Shema, and he prayed for his family. He began to smile even while the tears were streaming down his face. A crowd gathered around all congratulating him on his overcoming all those years of rejection.

http://mysticalpaths.blogspot.com/

A Mashal for facing tragedy.

The Dubner Magged told a mashal of two sailing ships that were traveling on the ocean when a terrible storm broke out. Eventually both ships were destroyed by the waves and the captains of the ships clung to scraps of wood until they were thrown onto the shore after nearly drowning. They were taken to a local hospital and cared for, to restore them to health. One of the captains rested for a few weeks, and then he went back to work on another sailing vessel. The other captain could not come back to himself. He was a broken man. A wise man came to see him and said, "I don't know why you can't get back to yourself like the other captain. You both went through the same ordeal, but he rested for a few weeks and now he is back to sailing but you won't stop moaning and crying about your loss" The captain answered him, "You think that you are a wise man, you don't realize that we did not have the same loss, he was my worker. Both those ships belonged to me. They were filled with precious cargo that was my life's savings."
Rebbetzin Kalmonovitz tells us that we are like the captains of those boats. If we think that we are just Hashem's worker, we will be able to survive the storms of life, but if we think that we are the Captain of the Ship, running the show, we will be broken.

Understanding Hashem's Ways

While listening to the Megilah tonight I remembered something that I once heard Rebetzin Heller say. Sometimes when we are enduring a very difficult Nisayon we expect to see a solution to our problem right away. Unfortunately this is not always the case. Esther was in the palace for many years until she realized why she had been sent there.

Hashem has his reasons but they are not always clear.