My personal prayer while eating-it really helps.

When I am eating my weighed and measured meal, there is always a point when I look at my food and say, "Oh, no, there is not much left."  I try to use this as a reminder to daven for 3 things:
1) That Hashem should keep me abstinent until my next meal.
 2) That Hashem should make me satisfied from this meal, and
 3) That my food should be a Refuah. (I read in a Sefer by  Rabbi Nachman that our food can be a refuah.)

I have shared this with many people and they say that it helps them too, so I decided to post it.

What ropes are keeping us from attaining what we what to?

How is it  possible for a work elephant's owner to tie the elephant up at night when the elephant is so strong that it could destroy any shelter or rope that confines it.  The answer is:

To train elephants in India they start when they are young. They tie an Elephant to a tree with a chain. The young elephant tries and tries to get away but is not able to break the chain. They struggle and struggle to no avail. They soon learn they can not break the chain and therefore give up  the struggle. When they are older and much bigger the elephant feels something tied around his ankle and he will not struggle and believe they are stuck. An elephant trainer knows this and is then able to tie a full grown elephant to a tree with nothing but a rope. Even though its incredible strength would allow it to easily break the rope and be free. In their head they are bound, they are stuck and do not fight.

We have to look at our own lives and think to ourselves,"what do we want to accomplish that we are not doing? What nonsense is keeping me from achieving my goals?"

from the Shiur on Torah Anytime:
http://www.torahanytime.com/scripts/media.php?file=media/Rabbi/Bentzion_Shafier/2011-03-08/Amazing_Purim_Shmuz/Rabbi__Bentzion_Shafier__Amazing_Purim_Shmuz__2011-03-08.wmv


How many years did I want to become healthy but believe that it could not be done?  How many times did I wish that I could stop eating, but think that I couldn't.  Now that I am BH maintaining an 87 pound weight loss, I realize that it was just a thin rope holding me back.

Maintenance-is it possible to stay the same?

http://www.shoeboxblog.com/

Many years ago a Rav asked my husband if his wife is learning.  My husband told the Rav that I was too busy between Kids and working.  The Rav told my husband that there is a rule in spirituality that you are either going up or going down.  I started attending his class every week, with my husband's blessing. Since then I have logged many hours of learning weekly.

I used to think that the same rule applies for weight, you are either gaining or losing.  Then came OA and measured portions-the dreaded  Maintenance.  Unfortunately at a certain point  your body gets used to the food.  It often happens that you have to cut your food to stay the same weight.  I went to my doctor and showed him my food plan. He told me to cut out the ounce of oil that I add to my salad every day.  After about a month of no oil at all, I started to get sick.  After several months, I was getting sicker and sicker.  The doctors couldn't find a cause. Finally my GP said, "why don't you try putting oil back for a few days and see what happens".  Magic- I got better within a few days. Moral of the story-our bodies need some oil and there is a reason that our sponsors tell us to add oil to our diet.

New dilemma-how am I going to keep from gaining weight, what food should I cut out.
Revelation-instead of cutting calories in I can increase calories out.  Exercise.

In the last month I have made a point of riding my exercise bike enough to cover the added calories of the oil.  Amazing-not only did I not gain but I actually lost a pound. Yeah.

A plan of action

http://www.shoeboxblog.com/

OA recently added a new tool, the plan of action. Basically it helps us to turn our good intentions into actions in areas of our lives other then food.  I have wanted to add exercise to my daily routine for a long time, but have not gotten around to it.  Now that I have made it a serious part of my plan of action, I am feeling much better.

Keeping vigilant.

When I started the OA program, I had to learn to be honest with myself.  One of the things that I had to be honest about was that if I bite my nails on weekdays, I might not be able to stop myself from doing it on Shabbos.  I decided to make sure to keep  my nails polished so that I wouldn't bite them on Shabbos.  Now that I am on OA for 844 days (give or take a few minutes), I wanted to see if I needed to keep them polished.  For a few days everything was fine.  All of a sudden a nail broke and I wanted to "just even it out".  Before I knew it I was fighting to keep myself from biting my nails.  Back on went the polish.  I learned an important lesson from this.  Even when we think that we have conquered a bad habit, there are no guarantees out there.  We always have to stay vigilant, because the Yetzer Hara is stronger then we are.

In OA we learn that the tools are a protection of our abstinence.  You don't sit down and decide to break your diet, first you skip a meeting, then an outreach call, and before you know it your program is sliding down hill. 

Thank you Hashem for a year without Yishuv Hadas.

In a Shiur by Shira Smiles on Parshat Viera she said that we have to thank Hashem for what we don't have, not just what we have.  She also spoke about the reason that the frogs were such a difficult Maka was that they robbed the Egyptians of their Yishuv Hadas.  In light of this I am trying to find a way of thanking Hashem for the fact that I have not had any Yishuv Hadas for almost a year now.

  I have a lot to be thankful for in the past year, Health Insurance, warm and caring family members and doctors who helped me through a difficult time, modern medicine which makes major problems livable in the long term, and so much more.  But Yishuv Hadas was not there.  The longer that I think about this whole year, I feel that the biggest message that I can take out of it is that Hashem runs the world not me.  While this may seem obvious, it is a hard message to internalize.  I kept thinking that if I called one more doctor, or looked up one more thing on the internet, I would find an easy solution.  There are no easy answers.  Hashem is the final address for all of our problems.  To paraphrase Rabbi Weinberg from Aish,  we turn to Hashem for the answers to our problems, but we forget that Hashem gave us these problems to cause us to turn to him.

Therefore, I am thanking Hashem for my difficult year, with no Yishuv Hadas, because it helped me to internalize the fact that I can do and do and do.  But if Hashem does not want things to go well they won't. The opposite is also true.  I can make tremendous efforts to solve a problem, only to come up with a blank wall, and then I can turn around and find the solution fall into my lap through no effort of my own.

The biggest cost of my difficult year has been this blog.  Without Yishuv Hadas I was not able to post much. I am trying to get back to it, and I greatly appreciate all of the help that everyone has given me, in the past, and I hope to bring my blog back to it's former self.

I held the Baal Shem Tov's Siddur.

Sometimes you just feel like you have to do something.  This Shabbos when I read about the Auction of Important Judaica at Sotherby's I got it in my head that I had to see it.  I couldn't find someone to go with me so I hoped into my car and went by myself.  One person said, "I can't believe that you are driving for two hours to see a Siddur in a glass box."  Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would let me touch it.  Well not only did I see it but I got to hold it.  I am so glad that I went, and it shows me that if something feels important to me, it is worth it to follow a dream.

A personal reflecton on Gam Zu L'Tova

As you may have noticed I have not been able to post much for the past nine months.  Someone that I am very close to has gone through a major medical crisis.  Baruch Hashem, now that it is almost over I can look back and see that many of the things which caused us so much pain at the time were actually the source of future Bracha.  The biggest thing that stands out in this area was that there were 2 ways of treating the problem with medicine or with surgery.  When the medicine failed I was devastated.  At the time that he started taking the medicine we had to sign that we knew that the medicine could cause cancer but we were told that it was a one in 20,000 chance.  Recently I met someone who was that one, and he had to have the surgery anyway and deal with cancer.  Now as I look back I am so grateful to Hashem that the medicine did not work!  I am so grateful to Hashem that he is running the show not me.

Mazel Tov!

My second anniversary of back to back abstinence. I have now lost 87 pounds and am off of more then 10 medicines.  My doctor says, "OA is saving your life."

Facing our fears head on.

Many years ago when I was facing a very difficult time, my son's Rosh Yeshivah told me to think of the worst case scenario and accept that I could handle it, then I would not have to live in fear.

Since starting OA I was afraid of how I would handle maintenance.  How would I stick to the program while I didn't have the reinforcement of losing weight.  I always assumed that once I reached goal weight I would be able to increase my food.  Much to my surprise, I started to gain weight on the same food plan and actually had to cut my food plan.

Last week I was sitting with my family in an ice cream parlor watching them eat their ice cream.  Amazingly enough, I was OK.  Even with my reduced food plan.  I did not need to run away and hide.  I did not suffer.  I just sat there and watched them.  It suddenly hit me that here I was facing a situation that I dreaded, and it was no big deal.

Why are there so many tragedies in the summer?

A friend of mine's child was playing in a driveway near a large box of recycled glass.  Somehow the glass all shattered and spilled on the driveway and the child fell into the glass needing over 40 stiches.  First of all we have to learn that we should be very careful about our recycled glass.  The other message that her Rav told her is that in the summer many people take vacations so there is less Torah learning going on.  Torah learning provides a protection for Klal Yisrael.  Therefore we should all take some time to increase our learning this summer.

The pain of seeing our mistakes.

Recently I have been going over my books preparing for an audit.  I found that the most difficult part was finding my own mistakes.  Looking back and saying, "How could I have made such a dumb mistake."  I suddenly realized that this is the pain of Gehenom (in a tiny way).  When we get to Shamayim and we see what we could have been it will be unbearably difficult.  I have resolved to try harder to live my life in such a way that I don't have to look back and see as many mistakes.  I hope that I can keep even a tiny part of this resolve alive.

The power of Tea

Since the only free "food" that I have is my herb tea I found this post very inspiring.  It is from Shirat Devorah http://shiratdevorah.blogspot.com/2011/05/rebbe-elimelechs-tea-mug.html

Rebbe Elimelech's Tea Mug

Reb Mordechai of Neschiz was a disciple of Rebbe Elimelech. When the Rebbe passed away, Reb Mordechai inherited the Rebbe’s tea mug. The Rebbe would say that when one drinks tea, he is in the spiritual realm of Asiyah, the World of Action, and he can do many things that otherwise he could not do.

Once, a barren woman asked Reb Mordechai to intercede on her behalf to Rebbe Elimelech that he should pray for her to bear children since the doctors had given up hope. “Go to him during tea time,” was Reb Mordechai’s advice. She did and received a blessing. Indeed, Reb Mordechai used to say, “Many barren women were blessed with children because their plight was mentioned to me while I drank tea from Rebbe Elimelech’s mug.”

The holy Rebbe Meir of Premishlan taught that this is hinted at in the prayer “Tehei hasha’ah hazos she’as rachamim — May this time be an auspicious time of mercy.” The word for “may,” תהא, can be read as תה, “tea.” Therefore the prayer can be read: “Tea time is a time of mercy.” In fact, the Gerrer Rebbe, the Chiddushei HaRim, used to say that Reb Mordechai of Neschiz was able to resurrect the dead using the tea mug of his Rebbe, Rebbe Elimelech of Lizhensk.

[Ohel Elimelech 130]

ps: I recently discovered :

Rooibos (Red Bush) is a reddish plant used to make an infusion and grown in South Africa. In the US it is sometimes called red tea. It has many of the antioxidant benefits of green tea, but because it does not come from tea leaves, it has no caffeine.

What do I want to be on the day of my death?

In a Shiur by Bilvavi Miskan Evneh, Rav Schwatz spoke about the importance of having goals that you want to meet before you are Niftar.  As I listened to my tapes of the Shiur, I kept thinking,"If I reach my goals for the end of the day I am thrilled, how can I possibly know where I want to be when I die".  The possibiltiy of meeting a long term goal never seemed real.  Now that I have learned how to set a long term goal and follow through, it is waking up new hopes for the future. 

Recently I sat next to an older woman at a Simcha.  After complementing me on my 86 pound weight loss, she told me that she figures at her age she is going to roll into the grave fat and decrepit, and what difference does it make.  This brought me to thinking back about where do I want to be on the day of my death.  One thing that I know is that I want to be a person who operates out of thought and not out of desire.  I want to make long term plans and goals and stick to them.  While I may not always meet my daily goals, I know that there is always tomorrow and with perseverance I can make major changes in my life.

Natural Therapy

In our recent OA convention they had a Yoga Laughter  therapist come for a session of Laughter Therapy.  This Shabbos I was treated  to the real thing.  My granddaughter turned to me and said, "Smile, and Smile  and Smile again"  Then she broke out into hysterical laughing until I was laughing along with her.  She kept doing it all Shabbos.  It is amazing how much a little laughter can make you feel good.  TRY IT YOU'LL LOVE IT! It can really take away some of the pre-Pesach stress. 

Yosef Simcha ben Zakah Basya

had brain surgery -please daven for him! I heard that he has woken up from the surgery and they are waiting for further results.  Please continue to daven for him.

"Hashem Gave Me Back My Licther"

Sometimes we feel like we are all alone in the world. It is times like this when Hashem often sends us a clear message that he is still with us.  The following story happened while I was there so I can vouch for it being a true story.

A tzedakah agency held a Chinese auction.  They spoke to the women who won the silver candlestick about her claiming the prize.  She said that she had just separated from her husband and he had taken back her lichter.  By winning this prize, she felt that Hashem had given them back.

Some people see the glass as half empty, they hear this story and get upset at the man who took it away.  I like to look at the glass as half full, and see that even when a person hurts another, Hashem caused some measure of healing.

Don't cross this line!

If you want to feel better, go to a meeting, if you want to get better work the twelve steps.

This morning I attended a 3 1/2 hour workshop on working the twelve steps. As a member of OA we use all of the literature of AA and logically we know that that alcohol and food can both be deadly if abused and that our addictions are similar, but this morning we had guest speakers from AA and I was really impressed by how similar the addictions are, and how the mind of the addict works the same, no matter what the addiction. The Yetzer Hara will attack us wherever we are vulnerable/

The importance of our choices.

My reading this week has been about realizing that Hashem is running the world, seems obvious, but it is not easy to really internalize. I read something that suggested that once we learn to make intelligent food choices on a consistent basis, we can apply the concept of careful decision making to every choice we make in our lives, focusing on doing Hashem's will. In essence, taking the self control that we have learned from OA and applying it throughout our spiritual life. Now that I have over a year of abstinence, eating food to fuel my body and not my desires, I can see where the focus of my work has to be.

For more thoughts on choices follow this link:

http://tiforoa.blogspot.com/search/label/choices