Things to give up-from an Alanon Group

> 1. Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn't reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
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> 2. Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
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> 3. Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don't miss it.
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> 4. Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
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> 5. Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
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> 6. Give up waiting. – What we don't start today won't be finished by tomorrow. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.
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> 7. Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
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> 8. Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you're too scared to make a mistake.
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> 9. Give up saying, "I can't." – As Henry Ford put it, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right."
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> 10. Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Start small. Start now.
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> 11. Give up thinking you're not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won't feel totally comfortable at first.
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> 12. Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they're afraid to fail. Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.
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> 13. Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.
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> 14. Give up buying things you don't need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.
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> 15. Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you're going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
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> 16. Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: "Will this matter in one year's time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it's not worth worrying about.
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> 17. Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations. Everything else will fall into place.
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> 18. Give up the `easy street' mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a `quick fix' in today's society. For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well. No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.
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> 19. Give up making promises you can't keep. – Don't over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.
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> 20. Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.
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> 21. Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communicate effectively.
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> 22. Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That's the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won't always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
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> 23. Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.
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> 24. Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
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> 25. Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people's drama and don't needlessly create your own.
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> 26. Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving! Simply take a long, relaxing walk.
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> 27. Give up junk food. – You are what you eat.
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> 28. Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don't eat when you're bored. Eat when you're hungry.
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> 29. Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don't text and drive. Don't drink and drive. Don't smoke. Etc.
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> 30. Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying "no" to right people gives you the time and resources required to say "yes" to right opportunities. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.
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> 31. Give up being shy. – Network with people. Meet new people. Ask questions. Introduce yourself.
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> 32. Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you're trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don't let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn't important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
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> 33. Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next. So do you best with what's in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.
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> 34. Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone. If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.
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> 35. Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don't find the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
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> 36. Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.
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> 37. Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.
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> 38. Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It's okay to be alone. It's okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be.
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> 39. Give up making emotional decisions. – Don't let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.
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> 40. Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn't mean you should do it. Think bigger. Keep the end in mind. Do what you know in your heart is right.
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> 41. Give up focusing on what you don't want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you'll often find that you're right.
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> 42. Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway. So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.
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> 43. Give up spending your life working in a career field you're not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense. The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don't stop. You're on to something big. Because hard work ain't hard when you concentrate on your passions.
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> 44. Give up thinking about the things you don't have. – Appreciate everything you do have. Many people aren't so lucky.
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> 45. Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things. Remember, the one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
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> 46. Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. That's when you're beautiful.
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> 47. Give up trying to fit in. – Don't mold yourself into someone you're not. Be yourself. Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.
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> 48. Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.
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> 49. Give up trying to avoid risk. – There's no such thing as `risk free.' Everything you do or don't do has an inherent risk.
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> 50. Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
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> ~ Author Unknown
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All the world is a narrow bridge- the main thing is not to be afraid. .... Rebbe Nachman

One of the most powerful tools of the Yetzer Hara is to make us feel overwhelmed and too busy.  This insight from Hazelton is very powerful.

Man, like the bridge, was designed to carry the load of the moment, not the combined weight of a year at once.

--William A. Ward

When trouble tumbles down on us, we are easily overwhelmed. We see problems facing us in the future, and mountains of work to do. We look at the past and see the pain and struggle of addiction. Looking at all this, we might feel despair. We can't handle it. We want to run. Our thoughts begin to spin; we feel caught in a whirlwind. We feel we will break.

Then, softly, we hear the words of our Twelve Step program: "One day at a time." We find we can slow down and take a moment to let the peace of our Higher Power touch us. Now we can take one small step at a time. We can begin the task before us – doing the next right thing. By slowing down and taking action, we stop the spinning and find calm. We find that, like the bridge, we can handle the stress of the moment. And one day at a time, we can find serenity.

Today help me to stay focused on life, one moment at a time. Help me to hear the soft voice of recovery.

from : Body, Mind, and Spirit. Copyright 1990

by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

Remembering that Everything is from Hashem.

Everyone has something in their life that causes them pain. Fighting this pain and resentment is an important battle that we all have to face.  This insight from Al-Anon is very helpful.  As we all know, we have to realize that every thing that happens to us in this world is decreed from above.

Resentment will do nothing except tear us apart inside. No one ever found serenity through hatred. No one ever truly recovered from the effects of alcoholism by harboring anger or fear, or by holding on to grudges. Hostility keeps us tied to the abuses of the past. Even if the alcoholic is long gone from our lives or has refrained from drinking for many years, we, too, need to learn to detach. We need to step back from the memories of alcoholic behavior that continue to haunt us. We begin to detach when we identify the disease of
alcoholism as the cause of the behavior and recognize that our ongoing struggle with unpleasant memories is an effect of that disease. We, too, must find within us compassion for the alcoholic who suffered from this terrible illness.



From How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics, page 86,

copyright 1995 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.

Consistency is part of spiritual growth.

I have been posting some excepts from Al-Anon literature lately because I find them so insightful and some of my friends have asked me to share them.

One of the most beneficial things I have learned from my Al-Anon experience is to be consistent in my thoughts, words, and actions. In my alcoholic home, I learned to mask uncomfortable situations with words and actions I thought would promote harmony. I have since learned that agreeing with others simply to keep peace causes me to be resentful. As difficult as it may be, today I won't automatically concur with the thoughts and opinions of others. If I have a different point of view, I express it, then let go of the other's reaction. I practice "Live and Let Live" and "Let Go and Let God."

From Hope for Today, page 363, copyright 2002, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.
 
There are many Jewish sources that talk about the importance of consistency, this link list some.
http://tiforoa.blogspot.com/search/label/consistency

Minding our own business.

Who is the strong person... the one who conquers his inclination.    Pirke Avot

Any time I am telling someone else what they should do, telling them what they are doing wrong,

or otherwise sticking my nose where it does not belong, I subtract not only from their recovery efforts, but my own.

Ratzon Hashem

Acceptance means putting aside the wish that our situation could be

 different from what it is.

 From * Discovering Choices * Page number 169__

 Copyright 2008, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Limited use by

 express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.

Whatever situation we are in now is what Hashem thinks is best for us and we have to weather the storm and grow from it.

Who is strong- the person who controls himself.

I was so moved when I read this that I had to share it:
All of my life I have heard the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." I have even said it myself countless times. But it was not until Al-Anon that I genuinely UNDERSTOOD it. That horse may be showing signs of dehydration. It may be so weak that it can barely walk. I love the horse and don't want to watch it die. It hasn't had water in days and I just "know" that it will be better if it would just drink some. But out of love, healthy love, I am dropping the reigns; if the horse is thirsty, it will drink.

If it’s not, what makes me think that--shoving its face in the water, prying open its mouth and choking it with the cup I force down its throat--- is being helpful? It will likely only vomit back my efforts.

As I put down the reigns, I will pick up my skirt, tuck it under my legs and kneel at the spring of recovery to drink from it myself. I will go back to that spring every day, sometimes several times a day. Perhaps my "horse" will notice how healthy I am becoming and will want to try it for himself. Perhaps not. Regardless, I refuse to die of dehydration myself.