Mazel Tov!

My second anniversary of back to back abstinence. I have now lost 87 pounds and am off of more then 10 medicines.  My doctor says, "OA is saving your life."

True Transformation

The Rambam says that the wise man is a man who only has an appitite for healthy food. Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz asks how is posible for a person t acheive this-he answers through knowledge.  Just like a licked up lolipop in the garbage can not apealing to us but it to a little kid, we can ue true wsdom to change the way we look at food and become a true wise man.  We can transform ourselves.

How can we call Haazinu a Shira when there is so much punishment in it?

The answer is that punishment is not something that Hashem does to take revenge on us, it is something that Hashem brings on us because it is good for us.  We understand that everything that Hashem does is for our ultimate good.  When we stand in front of Hashem before Rosh Hashanah we may feel discouraged when we think of the ways that we didn't do that we promised we would last year.  It is tempting to fall into despair and to feel that there is no use in even trying. We have to know that even when we are deserving of punishment, even though we seem to push Hashem away, he is always there.  In an effort to direct us in the right direction, Hashem will send nisyonos our way, but it is not to push us away, it is to bring us closer.  

from the Shiur 

Parshat Nitzavim & Vayelech: Symbiotic Song Teacher: Mrs. Shira Smiles

Lately I have spoken to many people who are all bordering on despair.  They feel that their lives have become so difficult that they do not know how they are going to keep going.  I feel that this answer is a very powerful insight to help us to get past this feeling.

Thoughts as we enter Elul.

To the extent that we are able to nullify ourselves, we become closer to Hashem.

from:   Elul: Month of Relationships
Teacher: Mrs. Shira Smiles

It is Rosh Chodesh Elul today and I am sitting in the hospital waiting for someone to get out of surgery.  I am grateful to Hashem for putting me in a position of helplessness as I wait for good news.  It brings me to a place of realizing that all of our plans are meaningless without Hashem's plans for us.   As I look around at all of the sick people around me, I realize again what a gift good health is.  As we contemplate the new year, we should be aware of all of the blessings in our lives.  If we can eat and breathe and walk and we have a roof over our heads, we have a lot to thank Hashem for.  Last year at this time, I never dreamed that I would have such a hard year.  Baruch Hashem I have the chance to beg Hashem for a year of good.

Facing our fears head on.

Many years ago when I was facing a very difficult time, my son's Rosh Yeshivah told me to think of the worst case scenario and accept that I could handle it, then I would not have to live in fear.

Since starting OA I was afraid of how I would handle maintenance.  How would I stick to the program while I didn't have the reinforcement of losing weight.  I always assumed that once I reached goal weight I would be able to increase my food.  Much to my surprise, I started to gain weight on the same food plan and actually had to cut my food plan.

Last week I was sitting with my family in an ice cream parlor watching them eat their ice cream.  Amazingly enough, I was OK.  Even with my reduced food plan.  I did not need to run away and hide.  I did not suffer.  I just sat there and watched them.  It suddenly hit me that here I was facing a situation that I dreaded, and it was no big deal.

Gateway to Geulah

Each day during the Three Weeks this new web site will post a different story of Ahavas Yisroel. The hope is that these stories will inspire us to to strengthen our own efforts in this area.

The first one is a powerful story:  Gateway to Geulah

By Sara Yoheved Rigler

http://21daysofahavasyisroel.com/index.php

Oceans of Ink

The Bais Hamikdash is not being rebuilt because of the sin of Loshon Hara.  If all of the oceans in the world were ink, and all of the heavens were parchment we could not fully describe the sins of Loshon Hara.

from a Shiur by Rabbi Zev Leff about the root causes of Loshon Hara.

Why are there so many tragedies in the summer?

A friend of mine's child was playing in a driveway near a large box of recycled glass.  Somehow the glass all shattered and spilled on the driveway and the child fell into the glass needing over 40 stiches.  First of all we have to learn that we should be very careful about our recycled glass.  The other message that her Rav told her is that in the summer many people take vacations so there is less Torah learning going on.  Torah learning provides a protection for Klal Yisrael.  Therefore we should all take some time to increase our learning this summer.

A Torah Perspective on today's Tragedy from a Shiur by Rebetzin Kalmonovitz

There are many lessons from the horrible tragedy of the young boy who was brutally murdered.   The first lesson is that we are still in Golus.  It is easy to think that here in America everything is wonderful and easy, but the reality is that this is Golus, and we have to daven for Moshiach and not get too comfortable in this Golus.  When Hashem gave us the Torah it was established that our children will be our guarantee for the future.  When our children are taken away from us, it shows that our Torah is in question.  We have to look for a source of protection for Klal Yisrael. 

When Balack wanted Bilam to curse the Jews, he could not do it.  Therefore Bilam advised Balack to get the Jews to sin through immorality.  When he succeeded in getting them to sin, thousands of Jews were killed in a plague.  We learn from this that the greatest protection that we have is our tznius.  We all have to examine ourselves to find ways of improving our tznius.  This does not just mean clothing, but in all parts of our lives. The way we talk, how we relate to people of the opposite sex in our work environment, our homes, and many other things.

When asked, "How do we explain this to our children" Rebetzin Kalmonovitz said, "This is a Korbon for all of our generation, this neshamah is going up to Shamayim with all of the Tehillim and Tefilos that were said on his behalf, which makes this Korbon even more valuable.  Because we don't have a Bais Hamikdash to bring a Korbon, this became a Korbon Tzibur to be mechaper for all of our avonos.   At a recent Kinus Rabbi Wosner in Eretz Yisrael said that when a man is learning in Kolel and his wife is not acting with the proper level of tznius, the zechus of the man's Torah learning goes to the wrong side.  People who are Klei Kodesh have to be especially careful of their tznius.

When asked, "How can we emotionally deal with the fact that this was done by a fellow yid?"  Rebetzin Kalmonovitz said that the Yidden are the Lev of the world.  When something this horrible can happen then it shows how sick the world is, and how badly we need to do Teshuvah.

Coping With Crisis

Rabbi Kirzner ztl teaches us that from this Kepital Tehillim we learn that during a time of crisis we often think that it is best to focus only on our physical nisayon and leave the spiritual for later.  When in reality we have to remember that by focusing on spiritual pursuits we will make our suffering more bearable.

Tehillim Psalm 63 - Coping With Crisis Kirzner ztl, Rabbi Yitzchak

The pain of seeing our mistakes.

Recently I have been going over my books preparing for an audit.  I found that the most difficult part was finding my own mistakes.  Looking back and saying, "How could I have made such a dumb mistake."  I suddenly realized that this is the pain of Gehenom (in a tiny way).  When we get to Shamayim and we see what we could have been it will be unbearably difficult.  I have resolved to try harder to live my life in such a way that I don't have to look back and see as many mistakes.  I hope that I can keep even a tiny part of this resolve alive.

Rebbitzen Kalmanowitz - Chovos Halevavos Shiur in Monsey

Every Wednesday at 10:45 at 6 Ash Steet this summer.  For more info contact tioablog@gmail.com.

The Gift of Abstinence

Thank You HaShem, words just aren’t enough
There’s no way I could have done this without Your love
I came to meetings and listened to people share
Made outreach calls to women who care

They said “keep coming back – the gift will come”
Gave me hope and encouragement when I had none
I wanted to do it my way but finally had to admit
I needed to let go of controlling life as I wanted it

I heard people with serenity and I wanted that too
But I couldn’t understand why I had to leave the food
Why can’t I eat what I want and connect to HaShem?
But no matter how I tried, I couldn’t be like them

I wanted to meditate, to get up early and daven
To say Brachos over food, and not need to repeat them
To be patient and kind and present for my family
to stop fighting with myself over food constantly

But I still had self will, and I couldn’t let go
Still kept on thinking I needed to run the show
And then suddenly it came – I really don’t know how
HaShem gave me the willingness to start right now

42 days later – I can’t believe it’s true
Abstinence is a gift that can only come from You
Weighed and measured, my food is clean
Nothing in between – not one little bean

It sounded so restricting, so harsh and so strict
But this freedom from choice is truly a gift
No more “i can have a little now – lunch was quite small”
Or “I really need more, I wasn’t so full!”

I now know clearly when the food thoughts come
That really I need to connect to someone
I turn to HaShem and ask what I should do
Trying to fulfil His Ratzon as a good Jew

I try to meditate each and every day
On three healthy meals – Brachos I say
I’ve got a long way to go in my Avodas HaShem
But I’m so grateful each day that I can start again

No longer am I going to bed so full of self-hate
Scared to wake up and deal with my “fate”
Struggling and struggling with no peace in sight
This way gives me clarity – it really feels right

I daven for you all that you’ll get the gift too
And that I’ll hold on to the willingness to do what I have to do ...

With much love to you all in recovery,

FROM AN ANONYMOUS READER

Kaporos Avonos(forgiveness from sin) without pain.

To the extent that we feel Hashem's love, we are zocheh to Kaporos Avonos.  When we do a sin we build a separation between ourselves and Hashem.  When we feel Hashem's love we melt those separations.

from a sefer by Rabbi Tzvi Meyer Silverberg.

To merit a hidden light that no angel can fathom.

The Chofetz Chaim quotes a midrash which states that every time a person refrains from engaging in forbidden speech, they merit a hidden light that no angel can fathom. And that midrash is talking about a single moment; one can only imagine what lies in store for a person who can hold back from speaking ill of others on a consistent basis. Obviously, we should strive for good behavior simply because it's the right thing to do. But if you need a little incentive, that's a pretty good one.

Remaining silent has divine origins. The Talmud (Gittin 56b) evokes the praise of God following the Second Temple's destruction as "mi kamocha ba'ilmim Hashem" - "Who is like You among the mute ones O God" (this is a play on words of the phrase "mi kamocha ba'eilim Hashem" - "Who is like You among the mighty ones, O God"). It is referencing how God remained silent in the face of the profane conduct of Titus. This is the Creator of the Universe we're talking about - and it's concerning the destruction of His home on earth - and yet He's willing to exercise restraint! All we have to do is let go of our egos a little bit and try in our own small way to emulate God's characteristics when someone happens to say or do something that personally offends us.



Making our displeasure known with those with whom we disagree is often not worth it. Do we really have to get in our two cents every time we come across some subjective difference with a fellow Jew? Even when someone has objectively hurt us in some way, we have to make sure that our subsequent behavior is constructive. Unless we're fairly certain that rebuking them would have a positive effect, it's best to maintain our composure and simply keep quiet. All we can do is make the best decision based on the information we have at the time. Sometimes we'll still make a poor choice despite thinking before speaking, but at least we'll be more cognizant of our behavior and less likely to hurt someone else.

We have to pick our fights in life. There are times when speaking up is extremely important. For example, when it comes to fighting evil - especially something as serious as radical Islamic terrorism - good people of all stripes must speak out and act. But in the micro realm of life, keeping quiet is usually the best way to go. For example, when it comes to relationships between individuals - especially people we see day in and day out - letting things go is often a wise choice. Routinely following this mode of behavior is a great way to keep the peace. We don't have to be passive; we just have to use some self-restraint.

Our generation greatly values people who speak their minds. In many respects, this has been a positive development. However, a better world will only be achieved when silence is valued just as much - if not more. As the proverbial saying goes, "speech is silver; silence is golden."

 

from:

http://levechad.blogspot.com/2011/06/silence-is-golden.html